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每天耕耘最有趣、最实用的心理学
著名心理学家苏霍姆林斯基（Homlinsky）说；“孩子道德发展的源泉以及根本，在于母亲的智慧、情感和内心激情，人在自己的道德发展中变得如何，取决于有什么样的母亲。”
对此深以为然，通常情况下妈妈是什么性格，孩子就是什么命运？鲜少有人能够挣脱这一定律的束缚。
因为母亲是一个孩子来到这个世界以后，见到的第一个人，也是第一个与其联系最深的人。孩子对世界观、价值观的形成皆基于母亲的一举一动、一言一行。
妈妈若宠溺无度、没有规则意识，孩子就会目无规矩、我行我素；妈妈若控制欲强、掌控一切，孩子就会懦弱自卑；妈妈若情绪化，孩子就会歇斯底里。
这个世界几乎不存在，父母一无是处而孩子却成长得格外优秀的案例，所有优质的果，都是因为当初用心种下的因。
所以作为母亲其实是一场漫长的个人修行，个人修行到位，孩子就会有出息，个人修行不够，自己痛苦孩子跟着遭罪。
但现实生活中，很多父母意识不到这一层，一旦孩子未能表现出如其所愿的行为时，这些父母往往会抱怨孩子难以管教，而从不反思自己的行为是否有什么问题。
这其实是教育大忌，却每天都在人世间上演。
南京地铁站曾爆出这样一则新闻：一女孩因为总不写作业，还对妈妈撒谎。其母认为自己教育无效，便将其丢在了地铁站让社会教育。
女孩被丢弃后惊恐无助，在地铁里大哭，被警察发现。联系到这位女孩的母亲时，刚开始这位母亲矢口否认，自己是这位孩子的母亲，直到最后才承认。
表面看，这件事情似乎是一个母亲对教育孩子的无助。但透过现象究其本质，我们会发现其实孩子只是在模仿大人罢了，大人是一个情绪化、遇到问题就逃避的人，又凭什么要求孩子诚实上进呢？
有网友一针见血的评论说：“有如此情绪化，缺乏自省意识和责任感的妈妈，女儿的表现一点都不意外。”
孩子是看着父母的背影长大的，父母是什么样，孩子就会什么样。所以为人父母如果你希望自己的孩子有出息，请先约束自己的行为。
不要觉得孩子还小什么都不懂，糊弄一下也无妨。
正是因为他们什么都不懂，没有好坏对错的观念，而母亲又是他们生活中最重要的依靠，因此他们会自然而然地认为母亲的一切行为都是对的，从而模仿。
心理学上有一个效应叫“蝴蝶效应”，是说在某一个地方蝴蝶拍一拍，到别的地方就有可能形成龙卷风。
妈妈的情绪控制、心理变化，看起来微不足道，但却直接决定了孩子的情绪状态、命运走向。
所以说成为母亲是一项伟大而艰巨的事情，更是一项漫长的自我修行。如果你是一个妈妈，请不要理所当然的认为你的孩子就该怎样怎样，而要学会从你自身出发去教育孩子。
当你是一个情绪稳定的人时，你的孩子自然也冷静沉着；当你积极向上，孩子自然会充满活力；不要过分强迫孩子，请遵从他们的成长规律。
作为妈妈以下三点，请一定要牢记。
一、控制住自己的情绪
现实生活中，父母们常常只会站在自己的角度，向孩子提一些不符合他们成长规律和认知的要求，不过问孩子的感受和情绪，只关注结果。
一旦孩子没有达到自己的要求就会情绪失控，对孩子大加指责。
事实上这并非是孩子的过错，而是家长的无能。为人父母，你当然也为孩子做长远打算，但这一过程中，请务必控制好自己的情绪，不要把自己的问题推给孩子。
二、多给予正面的鼓励，而不是负面指责
心理学家认为，积极正面的鼓励能够唤醒孩子的感受能力，让其看见、感受到更多积极正向的事物，从而有益于孩子健康的成长。
孩子在成长的过程中势必会犯错，很多妈妈们都很擅长指责孩子的过错，却总是忘记称赞孩子们的努力和做得好的部分，实在是得不偿失。
三、引导而不是命令
心理学指出命令式的话语会让人暂停思考。很多妈妈们习惯于在生活中命令孩子去做某些事情，这其实会对孩子的成长、智力发育造成不小的损害。妈妈们要学会用引导的方式去教育孩子，而不是命令。
– The End –
作者 | 汤米达
编辑 | 万安
第一心理主笔团 | 一群喜欢仰望星空的年轻人
参考资料：Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).
微信公众号：第一心理
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我这两年看校园文真的看得很少，尤其是高中校园故事，毕竟离我有点远了，看了很容易让我陷入回忆里难以抽离，那种心绪状态不是很好受 希望还在校园里的你，珍惜这段好时光，这是再也回不去的意…
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近日，德天广场后面桂林化工厂办公楼一楼一家饮食店的店名引来不少市民和网友关注。该饮食店的店名为“机关食堂”，有不少市民和网友热议起这家店面点的口味和品质，还有人提出质疑：这家店到底…
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在古代神话中，道行高的妖魔、仙佛都有自己的独门法宝，如果没有几件像样的法宝傍身，都不好意思跟别人打招呼。 一般来说，实力越强，他的法宝也就越强，比如太上老君的太极图、金刚镯、紫金葫…
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化在玉清境，说《洞真经》十二部，以教天中九圣，大乘之道也。——《云笈七签》（天上世界，天宫） 天有五行：一曰木，二曰火，三曰土，四曰金，五曰水。木，五行之始也，水，五行之终也，土，…
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对中国工程涂料来说，2021年是最艰难的一年，也是大转折的一年。 地产行业爆雷像一张张多米诺骨牌接连倒下，让众多企业一大批欠款回收无望，呆账坏账死账高达几个亿几十个亿的企业不在少数…
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来源：人民网－人民日报海外版 胡竹峰 郭红松绘 这是一本老家谱，族人生卒姓名不必说，之前家训大好，说伦常、修身、齐家、尊师、择友、立志、求学、积德、克己、慎言、处世、信用、恤贫，还…
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提起《新华字典》，大家都耳熟能详，凡是上过学，读过书，有点生活阅历的人，无人不知，无人不晓。《新华字典》是供小学、初中以上文化程度的读者使用的一本小型语文工具书。在我们国家,这本小…